MUSIC OPRAH: A good parent is a
loving one. That’s another myth. DR. SHEFALI: That’s another
myth. All you need to have is
love. OPRAH: Oh. DR. SHEFALI: I tell my — OPRAH: Haven’t we seen a lot
of messed up kids who came from
that? DR. SHEFALI: From a lot of
love. OPRAH: Yes. DR. SHEFALI: First I tell
parents, love your kid a bit
less because the love love is messing this up
because love is blind. And what that means is not
that it’s unconditional. It’s truly blind. You’re not even seeing the
child in front of you. You’re just so consumed by
your need to be loved back. By your need to feel love
yourself. It’s all about you,
you, you. So let’s put love aside. And
now let’s talk about
consciousness. Because love without
consciousness becomes need.
Dependency. It becomes control in the name
of love. And that’s what we’re doing
with our children. But I love you. OPRAH: That’s so big, the
producer’s writing it down. That’s so big. That is huge. Love without consciousness
becomes need and dependency. DR. SHEFALI: And control. OPRAH: And control. DR. SHEFALI: How many parents
have you heard — OPRAH: Oh, my gosh, is this a
tweetable moment. Because I know so many of you,
like — like I am. You’re listening and you’re
thinking of friends who were raised this way,
yourself being raised this way, and how this has shown up in
your life. Yeah. DR. SHEFALI: You spend a
thousand dollars on your kid’s
birthday party. Your kid dares to have a
tantrum in the birthday party? What, are we going to react
with love? Where does love go in that
moment? Right? It’s not about love. It’s not
love for the other. Because true love for the
other comes with freedom. Liberation. It comes without
any condition. Without any hand asking for
something back. OPRAH: So this is interesting.
As I’m listening to I’m
thinking, and when I was reading The
Awakened Family, I was
thinking, wow, if you could just be
conscious, you sort of enter
the same flow as your children,
easier said than done, of
course. I know that. So don’t tweet me
about it. And it just becomes easier.
Parenting becomes easier. It becomes a part of who you
are. And you sort of gracefully
move into that. Or, if you’re pushing against
it and resisting it trying to prove that this
cannot be true. DR. SHEFALI: Yes. OPRAH: Then it becomes harder. DR. SHEFALI: So who’s making
it harder? We’re doing it
ourselves. OPRAH: We’re doing it
ourselves. DR. SHEFALI: The keys are now
in our hands, and we’re not opening the door
to our freedom. Our children are saying to us, let go of your script of who I
need to be. Enter my as is. OPRAH: But you know why that’s
so hard? And I can see why you all
resisted as parents, because it’s not convenient. DR. SHEFALI: And who has time? OPRAH: Who has time? It takes
so much time and interest and
presence. DR. SHEFALI: Right. OPRAH: Yes. DR. SHEFALI: But this entire
life is designed for us to
enter presence. Whether we like it or not. What are the biggest lessons
people learn after a huge
trauma? I have to let go of my ego. I
have to let go go of the should have and the
fantasy life and enter the as
is. I have to surrender — OPRAH: Yeah. DR. SHEFALI: — to the grace
of this moment. So our children are teaching
us this every moment. OPRAH: Mm. DR. SHEFALI: They are taking
us to our greatest courage. But we are not taking the
invitation. It’s the most profound and
easy invitation. But it requires a moment by
moment presence.
Wow, this is precious!! Thank youDr. Shefali
Thank you!
This actually applies to ALL relationships not only parent-child relationships.
Dr. S is so beautiful she looks like a model
Love cannot be unconscious. We use the word in place of what is really happening. So, yes, put the word aside until we re-member the truth of it. That is the journey h-OM-e we are all waking up to currently. We actually never could not be home, we just became distracted and fear became a vibrational reality. F-alse E-vidence A-ppearing R-eal.
The h-ear-t is always speaking, it is our GPS. And it never needs from anyone, or can be victim, it knows of it's infinite self, it knows it is one with Source/God.
I love Oprah's Hair….couldn't take my eyes off of it.😗
I love that definition. She said love is free. You don't expect anything back. YESS!
"True love liberates" Maya Angelou said, now Dr.S is saying too. hmmm!
Wow – Dr Shefali is AMAZING! Powerful insights – Thank you 🙂
thank u oprah…love u…this video made my day….ppl around us always make us think of future and we lose our presence and linger in future which isnt there…this video reminded me to be present in this day which is today…m feeling so gud and full of life….Thank u,thank u.
A short beautiful clip…
Let your children liberate you and they will be liberated in the process.
This definitely spoke to me.
Wow, realized I can't date anyone who has not heard this first.
All these videos end so abruptly that I instantly forget the wisdom I just heard 🙁
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasenth him betimes. (Proverbs 13:24. KJV) This is ancient knowledge presented as new insight.
wow…this takes parenting another level
A child having a tantrum at their Birthday party a parent has spent $1,000 on is down to bad manners. A parent is supposed to ignore that???
Thank you
But this is true in a marriage as well.
I hear a lot of J Krishnamurti in her.
God is love but emotions become blind
I only thumbed down this video because it was at a certain number that I don't like. 🙁
i couldn't agree more about the importance of not trying to control anyone, including our children. But having high expectations actually pushes them to grow, and I'm not talking just in the academic success. it's called Pygmalion effect
whilst love may liberate, it's context here does not apply in marriage, no. in marriage there is commitment, there is compromise, there is unconditional which in retrospect imply conditional…therefore, you have to determine on what ground you are standing. sinking soil or a rock? ….thoughts are in multitudes
love without awareness of the individuality of our loved ones is…..chaos
No se les olvide respirar.
wow what a true message thank you.
She is on point! I love everything she said–
Great examples
Such wisdom
Imagine if people running our organizations could manage with consciousness and presence.
Dr.Shefali n Oprah thanq.its a great message to the present parents which show the direction of real meaning of quality kind of luv in order to get back the same loving nature with balancing kind of understanding . so impressive presentation with great views towards welfare of the society.much luv
God i love this talk so much thank u to dr shefali bcuz her work is so important. I can totally relate n see where she's coming from its so true coming from my experience that parents can be so blinded by what they call love for their children. When it is nothing but toxic bcuz it is blind. They have conditional love for u the child. They do not accept the child for who they r. They only love the child they envision to be n to become n when the child does not meet this they become angry at the child n blame the child n tell the child to change to meet their expectations n they tell the child that this expectation comes from love. It is very toxic and this is wat makes children grow up to be confused n lose themselves as adults.
Awakening🌟🌟
Sheesh! That was a gem. I needed to hear that lol.
Love what u do
She looks a bit like Aishwarya rai
"I have to let go of the ego, the should-have and the FANTASY life and enter into the as-is, surrender to the grace of THIS moment." This woman just says all the right things!
The concept is ancient yet so refreshing, much love ❤
My parents were not possessive, did not control nor pressure my siblings and I at all and the effect was chaos because there was no parental figure. We had to go through life groping in the dark and I grew up yearning for structure, wisdom and moral ascendancy. My older brother wasnt able to muster the grace to survive and hasnt recovered from the damage of having parents who stepped back. Dr Shefali's message applies to children who are lucky enough to have parents who passionately care about their children (and are being chided for it) but what about children who are neglected that it borders on abuse. Sadly, her message seems more aimed at privileged and first world parents/families and not a universal one.