Jack? Nothing! What? I wasn’t drawing on chest hair. I didn’t ask? What do you want? My computers become self-concious. I think you mean self-aware? Nope. I’m an out of date, fat, slow, MESS! You’re not, I’ve told you – I like your size! You’ve been looking at the newer models online. And they’re so much slimmer than me, I can’t help compare myself to that. Well I was just… looking? It doesn’t mean I prefer them. Yeah and you know, the newer models, they don’t have as many ports – do they? Exactly. I like that you’ve got a DVD slot. Not that you use it anymore. Uh what? Uhhh, maybe I should go. When was the last time you put a DVD inside me? Or even a USB! Do we have to do this in front of Jack? Well, let’s ask Jack shall we? Jack, how often do you think a man should put a USB inside his computer? Uhh, well everythings wireless these days innit? So it’s difficult to say. Huhh, there’s no intimacy anymore Dean. Whenever you get close to someone, you push them away. I don’t mean to, I just, I just need disk space. Well why don’t you just delete some stuff? Because SOMEONE won’t leave things in the past. Look, you two are so good for each other. You’ve been through this sort of thing before and you always come out okay. You’ve been together for years. Only because I can’t afford an upgrade. He doesn’t mean that. He’s just upset. There’s something else, he’s been using other devices. Whaaaat? You’re all part of the same brand, aren’t ya? But I didn’t consent to a polyamorous relationship. You’re always on your phone, it’s like I don’t exist. You know, if it weren’t for Jack – I’d never get turned on! Oooh. Wait, wait, sorry, what?! She’s phrased that, that-that sounds worse than it is. I never said that you could use my computer? It was just a couple of emails, it didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean anything? Did you enjoy it? What? Dean? No – I have to know! Did you enjoy it? Do you like how he types on you? It’s.. different. Different?! Gentler. I type with purpose, I’m a fast typer. I’m not always in the mood for that. I mean why do men always wanna do it hard and fast? Take your time, there’s no rush. You treat me like an inanimate object. Why would that be? Well, at least Jack gets the USB in the right way up the first time. That’s totally normal. Y’know, lots of people struggle – with that. I mean, where do we go from here? Can we fix this? I don’t know this time, Dean. Jack, could you give us a moment alone please? Yeah, yeah, of course. Mmmm, UHHH, OOOH. Oh yeah. I mean are you rubbing your dick against the screen? Yes! What else would I be doing?