From Hollywood it’s the Tell Veronica show. Please welcome to the stage a woman who’s
worn more egg on her face than a western omelet, Veronica Star!
Well hello, dear ones. And welcome to another rousing edition of
the Tell Veronica show! It’s a show for women with women.
And a show for women who want to be women. And a show for pets.
That’s right. Those adorable little critters that tickle
our fancy until they tinkle on our carpet. Well, who do we turn to when our little pets
accidentally get out and mysteriously disappear. We turn to our pet psychic.
The man who Field and Stream dubs the mastermind of bestiality…
Oh sorry, BESTiality. Our Pet Psychic, Mr. Rod Wiler.
Yay, Rod! Oh, Mr. Rod Wiler. How lovely to see you.
How you doing, darling? Well I’m doing great.
I understand you have such a way with animals. I do. I’m working on my second book:
Is there life after road kill? It’s a message of hope.
And there’s a little recipe book in the back, too.
So you waste nothing. Well, Rod, you know Miss V herself is an animal
lover. That’s right, I have a kitty cat.
It’s the sweetest little pussy you’ve ever seen.
She just, my pussy just loves to be petted and stroked.
I just love to play with my pussy. My pussy cat’s name is Tabitha.
That’s a good name for a… pussy. But anyway.
Rod, what we really have to get to are our pressing e-mail questions.
Rod, our first question for you comes from a very distraught viewer.
Mr. Simon Hofenstetter says. Dear Veronica.
My pet canary recently flew out of the window while I was cleaning her cage.
Can Rod tell me where she might be? I know exactly where your canary is.
And I gotta tell you, that Pratt and Whitney is one robust jet engine we didn’t feel a
thing on that flight when it went through the back end of it.
I tell you, the canary does not like to be confined in a little tiny cage.
I’m afraid he flew the coop. What a genius!
How do you do it? The bird flew the coop.
How do you do this? I’ve got chills, folks!
Oh my gosh, that is amazing! Well we have another one.
This is from a very distraught viewer. Dear Miss V,
Our cow ran away after our barbed wire fence short circuited.
Can Rod tell us where our cow is? I can tell you this.
Your cow is fulfilling her destiny. I know exactly where that cow is, Veronica.
I had some of that cow last night actually. There she is, Bessie’s fulfilling her destiny.
Oh god bless you! Rod look, chills!
You are just the best! Well, Rod Wiler.
Miss Veronica has a talking parrot light switch for you.
Well now folks, you’ll have to excuse us. But I think Rod and I are going to go fire
up this old barbecue and have one for Bessie. Y’all spade and neuter your pets now.
God bless ya! Until next time, Miss V is loving you!